A little 7 yo boy and his 8 yo sister are currently in foster care with strangers. Their mother (the primary custodian) has temporarily given them up to the state to care for. She has been living a transient life with her new partner and she has managed to drag her children through some truly horrible situations in their short little lives. Their father lives at the other end of the state with his new partner, their two younger children and his partner’s older children. He has seen very little of the boy and girl since he moved away some time ago, although he has been trying to work with the legal system to gain custody of them.
Children have no choice in their upbringing, how they are treated or mistreated. They have no choice which parent they live with, since the courts decide who they ‘belong to’. And these two have had no choice about the lifestyle that their mother leads, oblivious to her responsibilities. Family Services representatives have heard from the children, first hand, about some of the sad and shocking things they have seen and experienced. Yet their experiences were virtually disregarded, and they were returned to that ‘life’ with their mother, without any follow up or questions or consideration for the safety of the little boy and girl. And now it has come to this … mother gives them up, and not to anyone from their own family.
Grandparents, aunts and uncles all live close by. Some of them have quite often had the little boy and girl stay with them for extended periods. These people know the things these children have been subjected to, because, as children are wont to do, they speak freely with those they trust. These same people have, at times, had to go and search for the mother, since weeks have passed since she last dropped them off without any further contact from her. The little boy and girl love these people, knowing they are family who love and care for and nurture them. So why have attempts to have the children live with them been ignored, yet the little boy and girl are expected to live with complete strangers? Why is it that the people who care most for the children are blocked at every opportunity to protect them?
There is no doubt they wonder why they are staying with strangers, rather than the people they know and love. Maybe they think they did something wrong and they are being sent away for being naughty. Perhaps they wonder if or when they will see their Mummy again (and they still love her unconditionally, despite everything, because they are children). Has anyone taken the time to explain it to them?
The ’system’ lacks real consideration for actual human beings and it lacks the commitment to ensure that ALL children are given appropriate care by their custodial parent. Ignoring statements from affected children and non-custodial family members is, at the very least, lack of consideration. This bullshit about not enough resources or not enough funding – right there is the lack of commitment!! If you do not have the resources to deal with all the cases, why disregard non-custodial family members who wish to take on the carer’s role? Do you not understand the frustration and despair that ensues when someone is forced to stand by impotently and watch innocent children continue to be put at risk of maltreatment? But, of course, blaming the ’system’ or the custodial parent, or even non-custodial family does not help the children.
Nobody, but those two little souls, know what they are feeling in this stranger’s home with this stranger’s family. Except for other little souls (and perhaps now fully grown ones) who have found themselves in the same situation. What’s worse is there is no way of knowing how this episode in their lives will affect their development. Then again, some of the things they have survived so far might very well have already determined the direction of their adult lives. They are beautiful souls and they deserve the chance to live up to their full potential, with the support of loving family, whomever that might be. Think about the innocent children.
June 18, 2008 at 1:43 pm |
I agree with all you have said here. These kids are not listened to by government departments. I don’t think they have a say in what happens to them, and they should be allowed to live with family if the mother can’t or won’t look after them.
June 22, 2008 at 2:32 pm |
Absolutely, but why isn’t this the case? Why is family not the first choice for kids whose parent/s can’t or won’t care for them??
July 25, 2008 at 11:49 am |
If the mother gave the kids up to the state, then it’s her fault that family isn’t taking care of them. Unfortunately, once the state gets involved, they have to make sure the next person they hand the children to has the resources to take care of them. If the family was as bad at taking care of the kids as the mom was, then the state would be held responsible for putting the children in a bad situation.
The short version is: if you don’t want the state to make decisions about your kids, then don’t give your kids to the state.
July 27, 2008 at 6:01 pm |
It’s true the mother gave the children to the state and it was her choice. Family was not considered in the matter – the mother simply went ahead and handed them over in spite of the children’s other family members. The other family members (father, grandparents, aunts and uncles) have no access (except for the father who is allowed to phone them) and no say. My issue with this system is the mother had the only say and the state supports that autonomy, regardless of other family and, certainly, without checking the backgtrounds of other family to consider their suitability.